What Does a Life Well Lived Actually Mean?

A life well lived. It sounds good, doesn't it?

I imagine if I asked most people whether that's what they wanted, I'd get a fairly consistent answer, yes of course! Who wouldn't want to look back on their life and feel good about the way they had lived it?

The more interesting question, at least to me, is what that actually means.

It's one of those questions that feels obvious until you spend a little time with it. It becomes surprisingly difficult to answer because think there is no one answer, there are billions of them.

That's what makes the question worth asking.

It is not the norm generally to spend time intentionally looking ahead and asking ourselves what we would actually like our lives to look like when we eventually look back on them. Some of us may have viewed it briefly, but to truly take the time to go beneath the obvious, the ‘shoulds’, or both the influence society and others have on what we think we want out of our life. Not in terms of specific achievements or milestones, but in terms of the person we hope to become, the experiences we'd like to have, the relationships we'd like to build and the contribution we'd like to make along the way.

I'm not talking about trying to plan every detail, that makes life something it is not, formulaic. Some of the best moments in life arrive completely unannounced. They couldn't have been planned, and you wouldn't swap them for anything. What I do think is worth doing is choosing direction.

Life happens and often it pulls us of our intended course. Priorities change, opportunities appear, and difficulties arrive that we never saw coming. Sometimes we make choices we'd rather not have made. Sometimes life makes them for us. None of that means we've failed, rather we're living a human life.

The important part, I think, is recognising that we can stop from time to time, look at where we are, decide whether we're still heading in the direction that matters to us and, if we're not, make whatever adjustments feel right before carrying on. That feels very different to hoping it all somehow comes together in the end. This is what I call being intentional in our lives. Not controlling everything, just setting direction. Sounds simple enough doesn’t it? Yet, most people I have worked with and talk to don’t take the time, beyond a quick glance, do it.

I often wonder how many people reach the later stages of life without ever really asking themselves what they wanted from it in the first place - wishing they had. That is a recipe for regret. If you were to imagine yourself many years from now, reflecting on your life, what would make you smile? What would make you feel proud? What memories would you hope immediately come to mind?

I don't think those questions are about creating the perfect life. They're about understanding what matters to you before life becomes so busy that you're simply reacting to whatever is in front of you.

Some people tell me this way of thinking feels selfish, others tell me that's simply not how life works. Some believe they don't deserve to think about themselves in that way because there are too many other people depending on them. I understand and appreciate all of those responses. In the same breath however, this is your life, and you only get one.

Whatever has happened before today, whatever responsibilities you carry and whatever challenges you're facing, you still have choices. You choose how you respond, where you place your attention, how you want to show up for yourself, for others, for your work, your fun, your friends, your life. You get to choose what kind of person you want to be, even on the days when life feels difficult.

Those choices may not change everything around you overnight, but they can completely change your experience of living your life. That's why I don't believe the question, what does a life well lived mean?, is one that anybody else can answer for us. That is yours and yours alone.

There will likely be similarities. Most of us value love, connection, purpose, kindness and belonging in one form or another. Beyond that, if you’re willing to dig a little deeper than the surface, or what first comes to mind the picture becomes much more personal. The challenge is that discovering your own answer takes time – you need to let yourself ‘go’ there.

It asks you to think about your experiences, the people who have influenced you, the beliefs you've developed over the years and the assumptions you've carried, often without realising you were carrying them at all. It asks you to become curious about yourself.

I've helped thousands of people explore questions like these over the years, and I've never known it to be a quick process. It isn't something you solve over a cup of coffee and move on from. It's something you return to from time to time because, as your life changes, your understanding of yourself changes with it.

What I've found fascinating is that people rarely leave those conversations with a completely different life. More often, they leave with a different relationship to the life they already have, and often, to themselves. They begin to notice opportunities that were already there. They become clearer about what matters and what doesn't. Decisions that previously felt confusing become a little easier because they now have something to guide them. That is what having a personal direction in life does, and that clarity makes a remarkable difference.

One of the things that often gets in the way is the conversation that starts inside our own heads. A place that many people rather avoid paying attention to, for fear of what they may discover – easier to not look and live on convenient autopilot. But to live with that feeling of dissatisfaction of life, of coping your way through – really is no way to live. It does take courage to do this, and vulnerability, but on the other side is your life, as you want to live it.

As you've been reading this, I wonder what your mind has been saying to you.

Perhaps it's been telling you that this sounds unrealistic. Perhaps it's reminding you of all the reasons why now isn't the right time, or it's quietly suggesting that this sort of thing works for other people but probably wouldn't work for you.

Our minds are remarkably good at protecting what is familiar.

The difficulty is that familiar and fulfilling are not always the same thing. We can become so used to living in a particular way that we stop noticing we have any choice at all. We continue because it's what we've always done, not because it's still taking us where we'd like to go. That is why I think taking the time to consider what a life well lived means isn't a luxury.

It's one of the ways we step out of autopilot and begin living more intentionally.

It all starts by becoming a little clearer about who you want to be, allowing that understanding to influence the choices you make each day and trusting that, over time, those choices shape the life you're creating.

My hope is that, many years from now, wherever you happen to be sitting as you reflect on your life, you'll be able to look back with a genuine sense of pride. Not because everything went according to plan, very few lives do. Rather because, through all of the uncertainty, challenges and change that life inevitably brings, you continued to choose a direction that felt true to you. That is when you will be able to say, with a knowing smile,

“Mine was a life well lived.”

Would you like to do this work, but not sure where to start – well this is what I do. Come and join me and I’ll help you get there. www.motivate-coaching.com/thelivingroom